Map
Looking Forward
Was stuck on the road last Friday and had to walk home from South Super. News had just broken out on the calls for GMA to resign from different groups -- Makati Business Club, CBCP, even former presidents...
I walked home, crossed the train tracks and the shanties that litter the place, amidst cars not moving on the road and felt happy. Yes, happy. Am happy I'm leaving after I get married.
Quite a turnaround from the idealistic, makibaka stand I used to have. I used to even want to work for government because I had this conviction that things could and would change, and I would be part of that. But my idealism has fizzled out somewhere along the way and all I can really think of right now, is living a relatively peaceful life, a life that I deserve.
When my relationship with Darren began to turn into something serious, I very briefly entertained thoughts of migrating, simply because I could never really see myself leaving the Philippines. My home, after all. And while I may have wanderlust and may not want to stay at home for very long anyway, the bottomline then was that I was going home. It was very difficult for me to even think about leaving, because even I thought that I was giving up in some way.
Now, my feelings are ambivalent. Now, I am looking forward to my once-a-year trips, but I am looking forward more to having a relatively peaceful life in Australia. I am looking forward to finding a job and working normal hours and finding out, at the end of two weeks, that I have enough money to buy a ticket for the Philippines and fly to see my parents. I am looking forward to having holidays and actually being able to afford to go somewhere without saving for years and years. I am looking forward to exploring a new country, to step outside my apartment building and breathe relatively cleaner air, among other things.
Other people have actually told me I am selling out, but I don't see it that way anymore. I suppose because my perspectives have changed and I am now really just focused on putting myself and my family first. It all boils down to perspectives anyway. And I am happy with the way things have turned out.